today we had 2 BIG exams, not as big as what will come ahead of us.. but enough to give me back that stressful rush of adrenaline and topsy turvy belly- more than just butterflies flutters.
and i think i need to vent out a little. after a long period of total dead silence of this blog of ours, i want to write again!
i have to admit, it was rather a stressful day. the multiple choice questions were hard enough.. and immediately after, we had our OSCE exams of 10 stations. i don’t intend to go through details of it but enough to make out things i need to reflect.. even so if i do plan to go into the teaching line one day.
i think it is rather demoralising for a professor to say “you didn’t study!” and to put a no-i-can’t-help-u-in any-ways look during the exam. yes, for the very first time, i had that in my face today. huhu.. how could i forget that simple test? aiyoo, i had it in my mind during my rounds before and then today the name just poofed from my mind. maybe i just need a glance of it again, just ONCE.. to make me recall. but alas, i couldn’t recall..
secondly, on the contrary, a professor who responds, even with a simple gesture as a nod after each sentence means a LOT! at least we can know if our answers can be accepted, good enough, dead right or even totally wrong.
lastly, i think the dreadful feeling and disappointment of not being able to do my best this time makes me want to do BETTER and strive harder next time. and one thing i also reflected is that, we have to have husnuzzhan towards Allah. maybe, just maybe.. we feel so bad about a thing, but behind the scenes, something good that we totally unexpected actually happened. after all, He is the one who decides all things. we can do so much, but His plans supersedes.
during my downward hill feelings, my husband said that he can’t imagine, experiencing the same thing we had today, the stress and adrenaline rush EVERY SINGLE day when we have become house officers later on, with the Professors asking and assessing us everyday.
(aah eh. ye tak ye juga..)
have to practice and endure all this from now.
put up a strong heart.
we can still make mistakes now as students,
but as Doctors, it will be unacceptable!
as honourable, smart and perfect we should be, we are still what we are,
we err like other men.
please pray for us in the coming Final Exams that will end our SIX YEARS of medical school life! wow, can’t believe we’ll be graduating.. at last.. :)